By Lynda Klau, Ph.D.
The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.
– Carl Jung
You may feel:
I don’t know what I really love or need.
- I’m afraid of conflict because I’m afraid of losing connections with the people I love and being all alone.
- The Real Me isn’t enough so I pretend to be someone or something I’m not.
- Negative feedback devastates me.
- I’m brilliant at giving other people exactly what they need but angry because no one gives me what I need.
- I’m somewhere on this spectrum but definitely not as authentic as I want to be.
If this is you, don’t judge yourself! People pleasing is one very powerful way of surviving. However, there is another way . . . Are you ready to move from people pleaser to authentic? And experience the joy of having your voice and your real self?
Here are 5 key tools that will support you in being brilliant at Being You!
1. Repeat this Affirmation over and over again—I want to please you, but not at the expense of losing myself.
2. When asked if you want to do something, give yourself some space and time to know what you want. For example you can say, “I need to look at my calendar, and I’ll get back to you.” Then sit quietly with yourself and see what is right for you.
3. Practice saying “No” with a friend. Sit facing each other and say out loud “NO.” After a number of saying No then add some content. “No I don’t want to get pregnant.” “No I don’t want to make love now”. “No I don’t want to go to work today.” Notice the feelings you have that go with your No. Angry, loving, scared . . . Can you say “No” and be loving?
4. Adopt this belief: I can be the real me and simultaneously be connected to others. I can be Separate and Connected.
5. Buy a beautiful journal—the I Can Be Real Journal—Every night do an Evening Review of the Day.
What did I say or do that was real and right for me today? How do I feel in my body as I remember that?
Where did I give the real me up today? How do I feel in my body as I remember that? In these cases repeat the scene and imagine a different ending where you respond from a “real you” response. This is healing.
Being authentic is having your voice, responding from your true self, and having the joy of freedom to be you, all of you.
We become a people pleaser to survive, we become authentic to thrive.
– Lynda Klau
About Lynda Klau, Ph.D.
For over two decades, Lynda has worked with individuals, couples, teams and organizations as an integrative psycho-spiritual therapist, coach and holistic business strategist. A professional public speaker, and published author, Lynda conducts workshops nationally and internationally, appears on radio and television, and offers teleclasses and online programs. An expert in the development of human possibility, she addresses a full spectrum of issues, from trauma, depression, anxiety and relationship issues, to authenticity, leadership, female empowerment, self-care, finding your passion, manifesting your power, and pursuing your calling in the world. Her practice is based in New York City, where she lives. Please visit her website DrLyndaKlau.com and her blog Life-Unlimited-Blog.com
We are offering New Teleclass: Are You Brilliant at People Pleasing But Long to be Authentic? Open to everyone.