With a modern woman’s life span
increasing, perhaps we are too quick to Crone ladies at age 50
The Queen of My Self:
Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife
By Donna Henes
Monarch Press, 2005
211 pp., $16.95
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In
The Queen of My Self, Donna Henes boldly and audaciously –
as any Queen worth her salt would do – challenges the popular paradigm
of the three phases in a woman’s life, that of Maiden, Mother, Crone.
She very sensibly argues that with a modern woman’s life span
increasing, perhaps we are too quick to Crone ladies at age 50. This
refers to the current trend in the Goddess community to honor women who
have hit this milestone birthday – the half century mark – with a
ritual/coming-out party which pays homage to the celebrant’s status.
Henes is all for celebrating a woman’s midlife achievements. However,
she suggests a new archetype be introduced (instead of jumping the gun
to “crone”), and that is of “the Queen.”
Henes speaks about her own experience in approaching her 50th birthday
and her hesitancy in being croned. “How could I,” she writes “in all
honesty and any modesty, claim the mantle of the Crone while a mere
middle-ager? That would be like saying that someone who is in their
twenties is as smart and as practiced as I am.” The author points out
that just as there are four seasons, perhaps there are four phases in a
woman’s lifetime, with Queen representing what would be autumn, and
winter reflecting the true Crone.
Incredibly generous and honest in her personal saga, Henes shares her
own experience during the Mother aspect of her life, where she
confronted and lived with much tragedy. She even refers to one period as
being “in the hospice zone.” Having come to terms with losses that
sapped her very essence in her forties, Henes found herself experiencing
a renewed vigor and a respect for the sacredness of life in her early
50s.
Punctuated with thought-provoking quotes throughout,
such as “You take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A
terrible thing: no one to blame” (Erica Jong), the book also features
segments entitled “The Queen Suggests” – just in case you are firmly
entrenched in midlife and are not experiencing the self-confidence and
independence that Henes vehemently believes is your sovereign right.
Some suggestions are for your coronation or crowning ceremony, and
others are breathing exercises to connect to your Kundalini energy which
is suspected to be unleashed with the hot flashes of menopause. The
author even gives feng shui advice – I did not know that your kitchen
stove represents the central furnace of the self. Henes points out that
most folks use only the same one or two burners, and suggests lighting
all four at once, even for a moment, to ensure that you are “cooking on
all four burners.”
Written in a tone which is reminiscent of a wise girlfriend encouraging
you to take on life, Henes also made me laugh out loud several times. As
I seemed to need bifocals the exact day I turned 40, I related to this:
“Now, I love the fact that we lose our vision and our youthful beauty at
the same time. What we can’t see can’t hurt us. It is a brilliant
kindness to our vanity that reinforces in me the belief that God is
surely a Goddess.” Throughout, the author has been there and done that.
The Queen of My Self serves as the motivation for women in
midlife to ascend to their thrones. Surely with the experiences garnered
by a 50th birthday, every woman deserves that right.
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