In her new book, The Childhood Conclusions Fix: Turning Negative Self-Talk Around, Lisette Schuitemaker describes the five conclusions we come to about ourselves as we grow through childhood into adulthood.
Our childhood conclusions mirror our greatest gifts. Where we feel the most insecure is where we hide our truest treasures.
We all come into this world bearing gifts. Within us as tiny babies lie innate abilities to open our hearts and connect to others, to make people come alive through our mere presence. As divine creations of consciousness in formation we harbor the gifts to feel and excite joy, to laugh and be funny, to experience deep concern and empathy, to be inspired as well as inspiring. We are born with the capacity to feel exuberance, to act autonomously, to relish reverence and gratitude and, most of all, to show and share love.
In the end, our connection with others and advancing their well-being is what makes a good life. Growing up to get to that point of contributing in our very own way, however, bears liking to the game of hide and seek. Through painful experiences we resolve to hide part of our inner riches, as bringing them out in the open feels too risky. We’ll be damaged and hurt or even ridiculed and banished if we show our true colors. At least, that is what we come to believe on the basis of experiences in our young years. Yet, our innate urge to meet our life’s purpose has us seek exactly what we’re trying to hide so we may bring out our gifts and fulfill the promise of our lives.
Do we dare to fully incarnate, assume that we are enough, live our own life, put our trust in others and embrace our quirkiness? We may be inclined to shrug our shoulders as if this is not a big deal. Our life, however, is one big string of choices made moment to moment. These choices are the object of the inner conversations that we are conducting with ourselves.
There is no person in the world we talk to as much as we talk to ourselves.
We may be lecturers or teachers or work behind a counter or a cash register that has people on the other side all day; our profession may be waiting tables, tending bars or being talk-show hosts, we may discuss every little detail of our lives with our partner or garrulous girlfriends – but still, the extent of our talking to others pales compared to how much we talk to ourselves.
Once we start to pay attention to our ongoing inner conversations, we will soon notice that we are not speaking with one voice only. A wide variety of characters take it in turns to claim center stage when they are triggered to come to the fore. We may notice that we whine inwardly like a small child who feels not at all up to the demands of life. Moments later, we can find ourselves in a different mood as another inner voice starts to rant and rave that we need to be in control of our destiny, of other people, of life itself. Another inner part of ourselves may be given to bitter berating of ourselves for not behaving well, having said the wrong thing – again! We are on repeat most of the time, telling ourselves the same stories over and over again, getting into the same inner arguments, blaming the same people, cautioning ourselves to hold together, hold on, hold in, hold up or hold back.
The trouble is that we tend to believe what we think. Our most adamant inner voices shrink our awareness until we think what they tell us is true. Yet, we are not our inner voices, we just have them. Thoughts are just thoughts and there is no need to believe everything we think. Especially not when our thoughts arise from the perspective of the small child we once were who felt they didn’t belong or weren’t good enough. As a child we may have felt we had no power over our life or that we needed to keep life under control and fit in at all times. Even if we have entertained such a thought a thousand times, that doesn’t mean it’s true. There is no need to believe everything we think.
Insight into our basic childhood conclusions provides better understanding of our own reactions as well as those of others. A positive present begins with comprehension of the distinct elements of our negative self-talk and the childhood conclusions they arise from. On that basis, we can turn around self-deprecating thoughts, heal those early wounds and allow our gifts to burgeon.
About the author:
Lisette Schuitemaker founded, ran and sold a communications company before becoming a healer, life coach and personal development author. She studied the work of Wilhelm Reich as part of obtaining her BSc in Brennan Healing Science. She is the co-author of “The Eldest Daughter Effect”. Lisette lives and works in Amsterdam, Netherlands. For more information see: http://en.lisetteschuitemaker.nl